Unattainable
by xSunlitDaysx
Summary: After Severus calls Lily a Mudblood, she's a complete wreck. When it comes time for prefect duty, can a certain werewolf cheer her up? A Remus Lupin/Lily Evans almost-love story.


A/N:

**A/N:**

A/N: Hey! This is my first (complete) fan fiction. It is only meant to be a one-shot, but I may write a sequel if I have the time/inspiration... ;) Partially inspired by the song "Alone On Valentine's Day" by The Remus Lupins, which led me to ship Remus/Lily. :)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Harry Potter, any of these characters, or anything from JKR's magical world.

**Unattainable**

Remus Lupin. Prefect, werewolf, Maurader. He sat staring into a glass of pumpkin juice thoughtfully without really seeing it. A rather large feast in the Great Hall sat untouched by him as he contemplated the afternoon's events. Visions of Lily's face with the deepest sorrow as Snape called her a Mudblood. A tear creeping down her face before she turned to leave, and a look of horror across Snape's face at what he had done. Then James teasing and taunting Snape again… A wave of sickness washed over Remus as the table, groaning with the weight of several platters containing delicious food, swayed before him. He excused himself as he exited quickly, muttering an excuse about needing to finish an essay for D.A.D.A. Peter only looked slightly confused at the non-existent essay before turning back to Sirius and James's reenactment of their attack on Severus Snape.

The next full moon wasn't for another four days, but Remus was already feeling the familiar aches, pains, and fatigue. He ambled back to Gryffindor Tower, hardly coming across anyone (with the exception of Peeves moving a suit of armor into a rather inappropriate position), and muttered "pickle juice" to the Fat Lady. Gaining entrance, Remus crawled through and headed straight for the fifth year boy's dormitory. He sat on his bed for a while, trying to read _The Shrieking Shack: A Seer's Analysis_. After ten minutes of reading the same sentence, he finally placed the book on his bedside table before collapsing into his pillows, squeezing his eyes shut and letting a few tears ooze out.

Remus was awakened several hours later by a plump finger prodding at his shoulder.

"Moony, wake up! It's nearly 9 o'clock; Lily sent me up to tell you it's almost time for you to make your rounds..." Peter babbled, looking down at him expectantly.

Remus rolled over and sighed, slowly sitting up and placing his feet on the cold floor. Rubbing his eyes wearily, he stood up, pocketing his wand before swiftly sidestepping Peter and starting down the stairs.

Reaching the common room, Remus saw Lily standing by the portrait hole, a fake smile plastered on her face that didn't quite reach her emerald eyes. He walked quickly to join her, only stopping once to break up a few first years that were fighting over a chocolate frog.

"Ready?" she asked as he approached, still with that grimace-like expression.

"Yeah, let's go," Remus replied, gesturing for her to go first. Once they were safely out in the empty hallway, Lily dropped the act.

"Where do you suppose we should patrol first? I heard a few second years talking about Peeves rearranging the suits of armor on the fourth floor. Shall we try there to start?" she rambled in a pained voice, a sad but true smile now on her face.

He merely nodded in reply as they headed towards their destination in silence. Remus snuck a look at Lily to see a lost expression in her eyes with a slight frown tugging at the corners of her lips.

"D-do you want to talk about it?" he asked in a small voice several moments later. Ever since being made prefects and going on the nightly patrols, Remus and Lily had become rather good friends. They seemed to understand each other better than others. They had the same goals, the same strong work ethic, and similar problems— most of the time.

It was when Lily explained her relationship with Severus Snape to him that he started to question his fellow Marauders. Before, he used to watch along with them and encourage James's taunting of "Snivellus." However, after Lily explained their friendship, he started to feel sick at the sight of the teasing. He had tried half-heartedly to get James to stop, but Prongs only shook off the concern with a hollow laugh. Lily had told him about Severus's more recent obsession with the Dark Arts, and her fear of losing him to it. He knew that hearing such a filthy insult from a "friend" must have hurt.

Lily released a shuddered breath. She squeezed her green eyes shut, but several tears escaped through her lashes, rolling hot down her cheeks. They came to a complete stop as Lily broke down. Remus reacted, automatically wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a comforting embrace.

"I-I don't k-know if I can f-forgive h-him anymore," she sobbed out. "M-maybe before, b-but now…D-do you think h-he really sees me like t-that?"

Remus looked down into her eyes, falling into their sparkling green depths. A twinge in his abdomen made him suddenly want to kiss her. _You can't,_ the more reasonable part of his brain reminded him. Even if Lily could allow it, he wouldn't betray James, his best friend, like that.

"Of course not," he whispered after several more moments of examining her. He noticed a slight blush in her cheeks that wasn't due to her crying and he realized that he had been staring. A hot flush crept up his neck and he suddenly became more aware of exactly how close they were standing. His palms held her against him and her chin rested on his chest as she looked up at him. He suddenly felt her small hands pressing against his back, and he marveled at exactly how perfectly they fit into one another. "You're his best friend. Of course he didn't mean it."

Lily sniffled a little, a few more traitor tears creeping out despite her attempt to stop the flow. Remus had another strong urge to wipe them away, but he had already gone farther than he should have by holding her as she fell apart. They both seemed to realize that they were still embracing at the same time, and they quickly jumped apart, Lily wiping her tears away herself. She began walking again. Remus followed, keeping a safe distance from her so they wouldn't brush hands.

"Even if he doesn't mean it… What difference does it make?" Lily reasoned slowly, watching her feet. "If he thinks so poorly of Muggleborns, I don't care if he doesn't count me as one. Because I _am_ Muggleborn, whether he likes it or not, and… maybe if he can't accept that, then maybe… maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore. As much as it hurts, we've been growing apart. And since he obviously refuses to change or at least accept that, maybe I'll have to… I'll have to let him go."

Lily finished with a strangled voice, and Remus couldn't help as his heart wrenched at her pain. Sometimes, with the way Snape treated her, he wished he could bully Snape the same way Prongs did.

"Are you sure? I mean… Haven't you tried that already? Won't he be…er…upset?" Remus stuttered out when he realized she was expecting a response.

"Well, yes, I suppose he will be. I will, at least. But I can't handle his obsessions any longer," she replied in a pleading tone, as if she was trying to convince herself as well as him that this was the right thing to do.

Remus ignored his subconscious, which was screaming that he shouldn't get too close again, and put his arm around Lily's shoulders. His stomach lurched as she leaned into him with a sigh, her flowery scent tempting him.

"I'll tell him tomorrow," she concluded after a long pause, her emerald eyes growing glassy again. She turned to look up into his face at the exact moment when a single tear slipped out. Remus couldn't help himself this time, so he gently brushed her tear-stained cheek with the back of his scarred hand. She didn't flinch, instead closing her eyes at his touch.

When Lily opened them again, they had stopped walking. Both were staring intently at the other, trying to discover if the other felt the same way, a nervous and excited feeling. Remus started to lean in towards her face, and Lily followed, eyes still locked on each other.

Eyelids growing heavy, their lips were less than an inch apart when a loud crash echoed down the hallway. They jumped apart, opening their eyes wide in shock, unknowingly pondering the same question— _what had just happened?_ Both were distracted though, as a smug-looking Peeves floated down the hall heading straight at them.

"Peevsy wins!" he sang, cackling as he swooped just above their heads. An angry-looking Filch followed moments later, wheezing slightly as he tried to keep up with the poltergeist.

Lily giggled as soon as Filch was out of sight, turning to look at a Remus. A faint blush appeared on her cheeks when she remembered what had just happened, or rather what _hadn't_ happened.

"Well…It's nearly 11 o'clock. I suppose we better get back to the tower," Remus finally said, breaking the awkward silence between them.

Lily only nodded in response, and they walked in silence for a while. This time Remus managed to keep a few feet between them, and nothing happened further. Stepping through the portrait hole, they said goodnight and headed up to their separate dormitories. As soon as she left his presence, Remus felt a wave of emotions pass over him once again. Fear, grief, joy, and regret each took their turn. What had happened back there? How had he let that happen? Had she really leant in too, was she as unsure as he was? It almost hurt more to know that maybe—

just maybe— she wanted him too. Remus lectured himself all the way up the stairs. _Even if she had felt it, she didn't mention it after—she probably doesn't care._ However, it didn't help when his heart burst into the argument. _But she leant in too! She had that same unsure longing type of look in her eyes. What if this is your only chance at love?_

Remus let out a defeated sigh as he fell into his bed for a second time, thoughts of the day's events still running through his mind. _I'll figure it out tomorrow,_ he decided, realizing that his exhaustion was obviously clouding his sanity and decision-making skills. Closing his eyes, Remus drifted into a deep, troubled slumber filled with symphonies of green.

**A/N:**

A/N: So I hope you liked it...Please review and let me know what you think!


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